and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
