hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize