If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
