these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
