You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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