When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
