Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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