Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
