Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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