Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
