I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Small penises have feelings too.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
