They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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