just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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