i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
