I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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