At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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