Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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