btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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