So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Randomize
