So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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