WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
