Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
