oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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