guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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