What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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