I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
