i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
