Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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