why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
