if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
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