pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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