Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
