This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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