why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
