I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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