I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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