Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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