Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
