That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
babies were throwing up all over the place
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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