matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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