Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
