If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
