**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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