u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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