I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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