Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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