11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
