My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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