I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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