lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
