i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
