none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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