I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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