just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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