i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
