If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
worst night to have a conscience
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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