I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
