Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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