put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
