I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
