how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize