so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
