the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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