I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
