its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
