I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The air was thick with penises
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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