Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
