it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
