Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
