Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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