I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im holly from the hills drunk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
