didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
