Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
