apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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