If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
