I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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