I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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