girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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