I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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