Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
