Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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