she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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