If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
