I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
