the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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