Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
