Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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